Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
soo... how was my night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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