operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
