somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
