did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
