forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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