i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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