Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Randomize
