you would pick up someone in the library
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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