Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
