I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
