i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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