so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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