I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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