Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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