I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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