Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
