Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
