It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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