I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
