hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
