is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bring me that man meat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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