when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
