my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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