I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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