Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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