i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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