Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
