then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My liver is preforming stress tests.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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