Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
