lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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