mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
