I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
