he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
