i don't like sucking hair
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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