Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
