you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
