Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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