You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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