She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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