I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
