we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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