I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
