I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
