and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
