My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize