even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
