so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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