put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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