'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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