I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
