the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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