i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
