remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
