I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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