Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
