woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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