Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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