Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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