I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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