My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
