i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize