Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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