Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
