i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
