I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
