oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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