we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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