Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
