I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
