He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
