I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
BRING THE BAGELS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
