Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
